With Six, you get Egg Rolls
by Alwayssg1
Summary: No longer a one-shot. General Jack and the team have a cliche filled adventure. Set in season 10, a bit tongue in cheek. Sam/Jack established.
1. Chapter 1

SG teams were traditionally teams of four, no more and no less. That was tradition, and General Jack O'Neill liked tradition. Regulations? Not so much. Clichés? Never. But, tradition was different. It was, well, traditional. Sure, it could be argued that it had been himself, and not Landry, who had actually broken said tradition when he let Carter, Daniel, and Teal'c call themselves SG1 without benefit of the fourth member, but that was different. He always considered himself a defacto-member of the team, always happy to take a jaunt through the old orifice if the need arose. But, this new five man team traipsing through the galaxy was not his fault. This was all on Landry.

Well, it could be argued that this whole debacle was Mitchell's fault or Daniel and Vala's for awakening the Ori to our presence and bringing Sam, um, Carter, back to the danger zone. He really liked having her safe and sound in Nevada. And, he really, really liked all those long weekends she'd spend in D.C. There were none of those now. Nope, he hadn't seen his wife in months, but that was about to change.

SG1 had finally, after years of searching, made contact with the furlings. And, much to Jack's disappointment, they did not resemble little Ewoks. Now, Jack was needed to make a little trip to P3X-something-something for a little meet and greet and hopefully an alliance against the Ori. Since all of SG1 would be going along for the ride, even though Jack had suggested giving Mitchell and Vala the time off, SG1 was going to temporarily be a six man team. Six? What do you do with an SG team that large?

Well, if Sam was correct in her thinking, you bring the egg rolls. So, Jack stopped off at their favorite Chinese place as soon as he arrived in the Springs and had egg rolls waiting when the team arrived for team night. These furlings better be worth him sharing his wife on their first night together in months.

 **This might be a one shot. That was my intention, but I might be tempted to continue it with a furlings adventure.**


	2. Worst Best Kept Secret

Jack faced a terrible conundrum as he grabbed his guinness and his plate and moved into the living room. Where should he sit? Sitting by Sam in the only empty space in the room may have been the logical option, but how on earth was he supposed to sit beside her and not touch her?

It had been Sam's idea to keep their nuptials a secret. While technically they'd done nothing wrong by having a quick ceremony in Vegas the weekend before she reported to Nellis and a full two weeks before he assumed his role as head of homeworld security, it didn't exactly look good. They were out of the same chain of command less than 24 hours when the knot was tied, for crying out loud, but their window of opportunity was fleeting. If they took time to actually date, they'd be trapped by those pesky regs again. This was the best option they had and they took it.

Daniel and Teal'c were in the know, obviously. T had been his best man, and Daniel, well, Jack guessed Daniel was the maid of honor, but mentioning that might irritate the archeologist and the wife more than he dared. He didn't mind picking on the former, but he liked being on the latter's good side. Not that she had a bad side, she was perfectly perfect in every way and from every angle as far as Jack was concerned.

Sadly, this wasn't an ordinary team night. It was a super-sized team night, complete with Mitchell and Vala. And, that was the conundrum. He needed to play it cool. Sitting on the love seat with Sam was, therefore, a no-go. So, Jack did the only thing his logical mind could come up with at the time. He set his beer and plate on the coffee table, returned to the dining table, grabbed a chair, and brought it back to the living room.

Apparently, that was not the right call. Sam gave him the look, Daniel stopped blabbing about whatever he was blabbing about and stared, Vala giggled, Mitchell looked dreadfully uncomfortable, and Teal'c, well, he just kept acting Teal'c-like.

It was Vala who finally spoke. "General, don't you think you would be more comfortable beside Sam? She saved you a seat."

Jack had the good sense to look pensive when his eyes met Sam's. Catching on to his dilemma, she grinned. "They're my team, Jack. I don't keep secrets from my team."

"Well, she tried, sir, but when she said her password was fishing, it kind of gave a few things away," Cam added, trying not to grin.

"And, now, I'll be changing my password in the morning," Sam laughed.

Jack happily took the seat beside his wife, started munching on his egg rolls, and enjoyed the rest of the team night. By the end of the evening, he decided that maybe, just maybe, six wasn't such a bad number after all.

The briefing went pretty well the following morning. Jack sat by Sam. He wasn't exactly sure what her rules were while they were on base, but he figured calling her Carter and keeping a bit of space between them should keep him out of trouble. Hank knew about them. They had agreed it was kind of a necessity once Sam returned to the SGC. But, it was supposed to be a secret to the base as a whole, so Jack was more than a little surprised when Harriman informed him his things had been put in Sam's quarters. It's not like they'd be staying on base, but this was certainly puzzling.

Harriman had handed him a spare key, apparently the wrong spare key, and he was still trying to get the door unlocked when Siler came down the corridor. "Having trouble, General? Colonel Carter is in the infirmary. Do you want me to get her key?"

"No, it's fine, Siler," Jack replied, but he was certainly wondering why Siler had no qualms about him entering a subordinate's quarters. Just what kind of shenanigans did Landry allow on his base?

Jack made his was to the infirmary. He could hear Sam and Dr. Lamb behind one of the curtains. "Hello," he called out.

"Curtain number two, General, " Dr. Lamb responded.

He entered the enclosure and immediately covered his eyes. Sam was buttoning her shirt. Dr. Lamb laughed. "I'm sure it's nothing you haven't seen before, General."

Jack opened his eyes and looked to Sam for help. "It's okay, Jack. She knows."

"Harriman and Siler?" Jack asked.

"They know."

"Sam, just who exactly doesn't know about us?"

Carolyn grinned. "You two might just be the worst best kept secret in the entire air force."

 **Obviously, I am continuing this series. I liked KMG's idea of using different clichés, so this will actually be a collection of relatively short chapters from primarily Jack's point of view that will, hopefully, take us all on a furling adventure. I'm currently writing a very angst-filled Avengers fic, so this will not be very serious, just something kind of goofy to pass the time. I will try to update regularly, but it really will depend on my muse. On a side note, there's a dictionary of cliches on the internet. I can't wait to try my hand at a few of them. We all know how much Jack loves cliches.**


	3. Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear

SG1, with Jack in charge, arrived on P3X-307 in the middle of the afternoon. It was a warm planet, an extremely warm planet in Jack's opinion. While Jack certainly preferred the heat to Antarctica, he found himself miserable and sweaty by the time the team arrived at the entrance to the Furling city.

The entrance was actually an unassuming archway with lots of hieroglyphics spread over every square inch. As they arrived, Daniel became a little over animated in Jack's opinion, especially considering Jack saw absolutely nothing beyond the archway. Nothing, nada, zilch!

"This is incredible!" Daniel exclaimed as he ran ahead of the others. "The pictures SG10 took didn't even remotely do it justice. It's-"

"An archway in the middle of nowhere," Jack finished. "I thought SG10 said this was supposed to be a large, advanced city. I don't see any city, Daniel."

Sam smiled. "It's camouflaged. SG10 wouldn't have found the city if Captain Rodriguez hadn't accidentally bumped into this stone pedestal," she paused and pointed to a small pedestal on the left side of the archway full of the same markings as the archway, "at the same time as Colonel Williams and Captain Miller were each touching these markings." She pointed to two identical markings about five foot up the archway, one on the left and the other on the right. "It's actually genius in it's simplicity. The Furlings put a tremendous amount of value on the number three. It takes three to open the portal. It was covered in the briefing, sir."

Jack raised his eyebrows a bit at Sam's use of the honorific. It didn't really surprise him she had called him sir. They were in the field after all, but it just felt weird coming from his wife's lips. "So, you're telling me SG10 finding the Furlings was really nothing more than dumb luck?"

Sam nodded. Daniel and Teal'c each placed a hand on their respective symbols, and Vala grinned as she gave the pedestal a kick. A shimmering gold pool materialized and the team walked through it. Suddenly, they were in an amazing city park surrounded by what Jack assumed was the Furling welcome committee.

Now, Jack had already been informed the Furlings weren't furry, but they really should have prepared him a little better for the sight in front of him. The Furlings were humanoid. They had a similar coloring to the Asgard, but they definitely weren't as short. Jack only came up to the shoulders of the shortest member of the delegation, but that wasn't the big surprise. Other than their coloring and height, these new potential allies looked entirely human, we'll except for their complete lack of hair. And, the complete lack of hair thing involved every single part of their bodies. Jack knew this because, like Thor, the Furlings apparently had no inclination to wear any clothing. Unlike Thor, however, these guys were, um, how would Daniel put It? Anatomically correct, yeah, they obviously hadn't run into the cloning problem here.

Jack made sure to keep eye contact as he greeted the leader. He didn't want to offend her, but he couldn't help wishing for some fur to hide her features a bit.

Sam must have realized what he was thinking, because she whispered, "this was in the report, too." He nodded as if he'd known all along and tried harder to pretend he wasn't surprised.

The initial meeting went pretty well, in Jack's opinion, despite the lack of fur and clothing. The meal was actually tasty and the Furlings seemed receptive to sharing information about technology. The tour of the city was kind of cool. It reminded Jack a little of the Jetsons, especially when they were seated in a flying transport that shuttled them from place to place. Okay, maybe it was really cool.

Finally, they arrived at the quarters they were being provided. There were three rooms and a common area set up for the team, and much to Jack's disappointment, Sam decided on the sleeping arrangements. She would share with Vala, Teal'c and Mitchell would get another room, and he would be bunking with Daniel. Jack tried to rearrange said sleeping arrangements, but Daniel didn't want to bunk with Vala and Sam sided with him.

With a sigh, Jack joined Daniel in their room. Daniel had already snagged the bunk closest to the door and was going on and on about the rich history of the Furlings. Jack tried to nod at the appropriate times to imply he was listening, but apparently he failed.

"Jack, did you hear a word I said?"

"Umm," Jack hedged, trying hard to come up with something that might be close enough Daniel wouldn't notice. Nothing came to mind. "Hey, Daniel, do you remember the nursery rhyme about Fuzzy, Wuzzy?"

"What?"

"You know, Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? The Furlings really remind me of him. Don't you think the Furlings should be furry?"

"Seriously, Jack?"

"Yeah, well, I was just thinking, but it fits. Fuzzy but no hair, Furling but no fur," Jack rambled, hoping Daniel would get annoyed and just stop talking so he could go to sleep.

"Let's hope the Furlings are nothing like Fuzzy Wuzzy," Daniel replied.

"Well, they are real and Fuzzy Wuzzy is a nursery rhyme, so-"

"No, Jack, Fuzzy Wuzzy was not just a nursery rhyme," Daniel sighed. "Fuzzy Wuzzy was most likely written by British soldiers in relation to the Mahdi. The Hadendoa were one of two tribes of Beja who supported the Mahdi. They were nomadic and they lived mostly along Sudan's Red Sea coast. They had a large number of cavalry and mounted infantry. The British referred to them as Fuzzy Wuzzys."

"Daniel, that has nothing to do with the nursery rhyme."

"Actually, Jack, it has everything to do with it. Wuzzy was a play on the Arabic word gazhi, which means warrior. And, they called them fuzzy because their heads full of hair looked a bit frizzy as the rode around on horse-back. By calling Fuzzy Wuzzy a bear, they were saying the Hadenoa gave them a much harder fight than they expected."

Jack smiled thinking he had Daniel just about where he wanted him. "But, they had hair. You just said they had a lot of hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair."

Daniel groaned. "Jack, it was a play on words. They were referring to Lanchester's Law. It said the strength of the army was proportionate to the square root of it's numbers. By saying they had no hair, they were saying the reason the Hadenoa did as well as they did were their superior numbers. That's why they were a bear, trouble, but despite their numbers,the British were better armed. Do you understand?"

"No," Jack replied.

"Okay, Jack, think about the last line. 'Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?' Even though the Hadenoa had superior numbers, they weren't a match for the British. They gave them some trouble but not as much as they expected. They weren't as fuzzy as they appeared."

"For crying out loud, Daniel that has nothing to do with the Furlings. Why on earth did you bring it up?"

"You brought it up, Jack! Forget it. I'm going to sleep. We'll talk in the morning," Daniel replied, hitting the light and turning toward the wall.

Jack smiled. Mission accomplished.


	4. No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

The next morning, SG1 was taken to the Ministry of Defense. They'd briefly seen a bit of it the day before during the main tour, but the Furling leader, Anya, gave them a very thorough tour this time around. They were all impressed. Sam had lots of technical questions and Anya and her team seemed to welcome her questions and even answer them to her satisfaction.

When the Furlings actually let SG1 try some of the weapons, Jack had to admit they were pretty sweet. Where were these big honking space guns when they were fighting the goa'uld? He could have retired by now if SG1 had just accidentally opened a Furling portal sooner.

After speaking with Anya, Sam had explained to Jack that the archway they'd came through was actually one of many leading to the city. It was kind of the Furling answer to the stargate network, except all the portals on the various planets led to the same place, this place to be exact, the Furling city of Glasix. Jack had pronounced it Glass sticks at first, because the city was so highly populated that there were buildings on the ground then there were buildings above the first buildings on glass pillars. Jack figured it was the Furling equivalent to skyscrapers and thought his glass sticks comment was funny. Apparently, the others did not have quite the same sense of humor. They kept correcting him until he finally just called it Glasix and moved on.

By the time the team and Anya arrived back at the Ministry of Administration, the whole team was buzzing with excitement. Only Jack seemed to have any reservations, so as the sat down to eat he decided it was time to just ask the question that had been gnawing at him all morning. "Where I come from, we have saying. 'There's no such thing as a free lunch.' So, I can't help but wonder what all of this is going to cost us."

"General, I assure you this meal and your lodging are on us. We would never expect our guests to pay for our hospitality," Anya replied.

"It isn't the food I'm actually referring to here. You've shown us some very impressive weapons. I'm just a little curious about what your people want in return."

"Awe, I see. My people have a similar saying. 'The cost of the wood must equal the value.' Honestly, General O'Neill, after seeing our city, do you think you have anything we need? Anything remotely resembling the value of our weapons?"

Jack looked at Sam. She shook her head slightly. "I would have to say no, and that is the problem."

Anya smiled and nodded. "Yet, we still wish to help you." She paused and lowered her voice. "My people have hidden for a very long time. Generations have never seen a battle. We have weapons and train our army for defensive purposes only. We are not adventurers, at least most of us, and we have no desire to change our ways. But, the Ori have brought trouble to us in a way the goa'uld never did.

We will give you the weapons, General. We just ask for two things. Tell no one of our existence, and I need you to check on my brother."

"Your brother?" Jack asked.

"Yes, Benin is my older brother. He was groomed to rule Glasix from birth, but when the time came, my father chose me instead. Benin was unlike the majority of us. He didn't want to hide. He wanted to see the galaxy. My father feared Benin would endanger our way of life."

"So, they had a falling out?"

"No, not at all. My father gave Benin his blessing to take others like himself and start a colony. That was seventy years ago, and Benin has sent three representatives each year during our high holidays bearing gifts and news. This year is the first they have ever missed."

"And, you think it's because of the Ori. Surely, you've considered checking on him yourselves."

"Of course, we have considered it, but it's more complicated than just the fate of the colony. My brother has a technology that hides the true form of those who leave the colony, makes them look similar to the jaffa who travels with you. He has offered us the technology many times, but we saw no need for it until now. Leaving would alert the galaxy to our presence and endanger my people. I love my brother, but I cannot risk our entire civilization."

Jack sighed. It wasn't an unreasonable request. "I suppose you know where the colony is located."

"It is hidden on a highly populated planet in a desert area the people of the planet deem uninhabitable. The people call the planet Longora."

"We know the planet," Jack said with a frown. "It isn't nearly as highly populated as it was a few months ago. The Ori have demolished large portions of the planet. We had a former teammate there. He was from Kelowna. We haven't heard from him. It won't be an easy mission."

"I understand, General O'Neill. I guess our colony and my brother are lost to us."

Jack looked at his team then back at Anya. "I didn't say we wouldn't try. The value of this wood is certainly worth the price," he said, repeating her own saying back to her.

Anya smiled, "Shall we enjoy our free lunch while we discuss the particulars?"


	5. Needle in a Haystack

Once the team were equipped with the Furling's best weapons and what even Jack considered some pretty cool tech, they headed back to the SGC to formulate a plan.

"Ack, Daniel, you can't possibly expect to find the colony on a map. Why are you even bothering with Jonas's books?" Jack asked.

"Because, Jack, even with the Ori in control of the gate and even with major cities likely destroyed, the climate of the planet should be the same. We need to know where the desert areas of the planet are located so we have a starting point."

"Oh," Jack replied. That actually made sense. He watched Sam and Daniel pour over the maps. Vala and Mitchell at least had the good sense to look as bored as he definitely felt. There was hope for those two, in Jack's opinion. Teal'c, the traitor, grabbed a book and started looking for desert areas himself.

Finally, his three original teammates had a list of likely locations for the colony. "I think this area makes the most sense tactically. It's the largest desert area and it is further from any of the areas that had high populations," Sam said. Looking up from the map and straight at Jack, she added, "It's in Kelowna. If Jonas is alive-"

Jack sighed. "Finding the colony is going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack as it is, Sam." She nodded, but her eyes dropped back down to the map. "But, we do have a policy of not leaving anyone behind and Jonas was on SG1. Once SG1, always SG1, right? We might as well look for two needles in this particular haystack."

Sam smiled, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. It'll be a long shot even finding the colony. Jonas is one man on a big planet that happens to be overrun by the enemy. We can't exactly just waltz through the gate and asked if anyone has seen Jonas or a bunch of naked, gray tall people. This is going to need to be a very covert operation."

"We will require a tel'tak," Teal'c said with conviction. "I will return to the free jaffa and acquire one."

"Good plan T. That's a pretty big desert, Sam. Any bright ideas on where we should start?"

"Anya said the entrance was similar to the entrance to their city, so I think they'd have chosen an area unlikely to have any visitors. This desert is technically in Kelowna, but it's to the south of any major cities. I think going to the far south of the desert gives us a good starting place. There is a small mountain range on the southeast side of the desert. That range has long been considered a no fly zone, because it borders with their rival to the east, Tirania. Even after Kelowna, Tirania, and the Andari Federation joined forces against Anubis, this area was left alone. Starting at the mountain range and moving west seems like the logical option."

"Alright then, people. Pack for the desert and get some rest. We'll take off as soon as Teal'c makes contact with the free jaffa," Jack ordered.

Sooner than Jack was personally hoping, SG1 was aboard the tel'tac bound for Langoria. The trip took three days, and Jack had to admit he enjoyed being with the team and his wife without the politics of D.C. consuming his time. He actually felt more alive than he had in years. It helped that Sam didn't mind him stealing kisses aboard the tel'tac since technically the mission hadn't truly started. They all agreed that even though It would be nice to stay in the comfort of the ship while they searched for the colony, it wasn't a practical option. The Ori did not need to be alerted to their presence. So, they would leave the ship in the mountain range and hope the invisibility cloak kept it concealed. Sadly, this meant they'd be hiking through the desert looking for this particular needle in the haystack or should he call it a camel in a desert? Jack wasn't really sure, so he kept that particular question to himself. It didn't matter. All that mattered was they were going to be dealing with some very hot days and some pretty chilly nights. Jack wasn't really looking forward to those, especially since they'd need to set up a watch rotation. Maybe flying a desk had a few advantages after all.

Arriving at their destination in the early morning hours, the team quickly gathered their provisions and took off into the desert. They travelled in kind of an "S" shape through the miles and miles of sand, and sand was all they saw the first day. By nightfall, sand had kept into every crevice Jack had, every single crevice. Everyone was hot and sweaty as they set up camp and ate their MREs, and not even Daniel was particularly talkative. This place made Abydos look like a vacation paradise. By the time the second moon came out, everyone was asleep except Jack. He had taken first watch, and he fully expected it to be a very dull one.

He was just starting to get chilly when he saw three figures in the distance. They were being watched. These three were trying to be sneaky, but Jack wasn't a novice. He quietly got on his radio and woke the rest of the team without ever taking his eyes off the strangers in the distance. Teal'c and Sam slipped off to the east, Daniel and Mitchell took off to the west. Vala joined Jack, her gun ready to provide cover, as the two teams flanked the watchers from both sides.

Within a few minutes, Teal'c and Sam were leading the strangers back to the camp with Daniel and Mitchell following behind. The three men were dressed in typical Kelowna military attire, but their guns were different from those he had seen in the past. Actually, the weapons resembled those Jack and his own team were carrying.

"We've found the delegates Anya was expecting, sir," Sam said with a small smile.

"Well, that was easy, but it looks more like they found us." Jack put out his hand, " General Jack O'Neill," he said with a smirk.

The three men tapped what looked like watches on their wrists and suddenly their true forms appeared in front of him. They were most definitely Furling. "I am Enoch," said the one who was obviously the leader. "We are grateful for your assistance."

"Assistance?" Jack asked.

"Enoch, Jazeel, and Hamrick were sent out three weeks ago," Sam replied. "When they weren't able to reach the stargate because of the Ori, they attempted to return home but the entrance is inaccessible. The archway is there, but the pedestal has been destroyed. They've been wondering the desert looking for signs of their people."

"Well, this certainly complicates things," Jack replied.

"I told them we would accompany them back to the archway. Maybe we can figure out another way to activate the entrance and get them home. We still need to check on their people."

"And, you think you can do that?"

"I think I'm going to have to try," Sam replied.

"Well, if anyone in the galaxy can do it, it's you," Jack said with a smile. "Lets make room for our guests and tomorrow you can work your little miracle, Sam."

After everyone was settled and Jack was laying on his sleeping bag, he found it hard to sleep. Looking for a needle in a haystack was one thing, breaking into a city it's own people couldn't break into was something else. Someone had to have taken that pedestal. If it was the Ori, they could be walking into a trap. Tomorrow was not shaping up to be a very good day.


End file.
